Well, I turned in my last assignment of the semester yesterday. I’m not sure what I was thinking when I decided to take on 12 credits worth of coursework this semester, instruct an HNR 100 class, and be a GA for Opera Workshop, all while working my normal 40 hour a week job. I guess I was thinking, it’s time to be done, and I need the money.
Years ago, my brother sat me down and had a conversation with me during a time I was struggling to balance my demanding schedule. I was working multiple part-time jobs and picking up as many singing/music gigs I possibly could. I was burned out with little to show for it and I still couldn’t pay my bills. He told me a truth that has stuck with me ever since. He said to me, “You can’t serve to masters”. They say you shouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket, but you also can’t split your focus to the extent that I had and expect success. At the time, I certainly felt like I had no options but to hustle, simply because financially I really had no choice. These days it’s not quite the same, but breaking out of that mindset and sense if financial urgency never seems to go away. I think most anyone could relate.
I’ve been pursuing this second masters degree since Fall 2017. I know, that sounds ridiculous for multiple reasons. First of all, I already have a masters degree. Second, for someone who was financial strained for years at a time, why would you put yourself in that situation? Also, it’s taking 3+ years to do a 2 year degree *insert eye roll here*. The desire to keep learning and the fact that I was granted the opportunity to work at a University made the choice a no brainer. Despite where it sounds like this blog is going, I assure you, there are no regrets.
Once COVID-19 hit, I realized my push for finishing this degree Spring 2020 wasn’t going to happen. On top of that, any hope of starting a doctoral program in the Fall was also off the table. It was disappointing, and while I know I shouldn’t blame myself, I felt embarrassed. There was no way I could complete my lecture recital with the current situation. Everyone understood that, yet, I was embarrassed to admit it. I was (and still am) embarrassed to own up to the fact that there are times I cannot succeed no matter what life throws at me. I failed to complete a requirement in the timeline I set.
I know this is typically the point in the blog where we reach the light at the end of the tunnel and I impart my great wisdom upon you. Or maybe this is where I’m supposed to mic drop a slew of inspirational quotes. But really, this is the point where I simply acknowledge and say that I’m glad to finally be wrapping up projects and finally beginning others.
In my last post I promised to talk about Wagner, and I will. But for now I’m just glad to one step closer to being finished with my second masters degree.